22. What's it gonna be?

Hi friends,

Welcome to the twenty-second dispatch of How Humans Flourish, a research-informed newsletter on how humans thrive.

Summer is officially here and I’ve spent the last few evenings basking in the warmth while DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince’s Summertime plays from my speakers. There’s something about summer that speaks to enjoyment–yummy refreshing treats, fun trips, and is it just me or do people seem to smile more?

Whatever it is, it’s delightful. And in the spirit of delight, I have a gift for you.

I’ve been working on a secret project for our community and I’m thrilled to share it with you. Next month, How Humans Flourish is unveiling an exciting Premium Membership! Get ready for exclusive, weekly 15-minute interviews with the authors we read, diving deep into their top tips for achieving optimal wellbeing. Even better, as a Premium Member you can submit questions to the authors and hear your specific queries answered during interviews. This is a rare opportunity to connect, learn, and immerse yourself in the world of human flourishing like never before!

Unlock Premium Membership for just $10/month or $120/year, but here’s an irresistible offer for the earliest birds: enjoy a 30% discount on the annual tier! That's only $84 for a full year of exclusive access. 

This newsletter is and will always be 100% free, but if you’re looking for more, sign up for Premium Membership here. But, don't wait—this special early bird sale ends in 72 hours! After that, the price goes up to our regular early bird rate of $96 for an annual membership. 

We’re going on an amazing journey together, and if you're curious about the style of conversations ahead, get a taste by listening to an episode from my previous podcast, THE IDEALISTS. In this inspiring interview, I chat with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, New York Times bestselling author and Harvard neuroanatomist whose TED Talk has over 29M views. Dr. Taylor shatters the myth that our right brain is purely emotional and our left brain is solely rational. Instead, she reveals that our limbic tissue is evenly distributed between both hemispheres, meaning each side of our brain has both emotional and rational capabilities. She introduces these four distinct modules of cells as characters that shape our identity and explains how they manifest and harmonize. Moreso, she shares how we all can tap into their respective strengths to enjoy what she calls whole brain living. 

To give us perspective on whole brain living, this month we’re exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic approach renowned for its profound and transformative capacity to awaken holistic cognition and facilitate true integration of the self.

I was hesitant to write solely about IFS (versus other therapeutic modalities), but it has been coming up quite a bit in my recent conversations over the last few months, both personally and professionally. So, I've decided to dedicate some time in June to unpack it further by reading Introduction to Internal Family Systems by its founder Dr. Richard Schwartz. 

A second complimentary read is Dr. Schwartz’s No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model.

Originated in 1980, IFS was developed through Dr. Schwartz’s work using family systems therapy, which explores the systemic dynamic of a family, including its members’ relationships and feedback loops, that perpetuate and escalate problems. When he would ask a father or mother to leave the room so a child could speak freely, he began wondering if a similar dynamic would occur with individual clients–if they focused on their inner world and “a part” showed up (say intense criticism), could the client ask it to step aside so the their “Self” could speak freely?

IFS is undoubtedly esoteric, but the research speaks for itself: in both a study of college-aged women and patients with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), IFS therapy reduced signs of depression. In the RA study, IFS therapy was linked to a reduction in pain symptoms. 

Dr. Schwartz seeks to treat the mind (depression, anxiety), body (physical health conditions), and spirit (personal resilience and self-concept). 

He asks, “Have you ever heard someone say, ‘Before I can love someone else, I have to learn to love myself’ or ‘My problem is that I lack self-esteem’ or ‘I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t stop myself’? Who is the Self that we need to learn to love and esteem, and why is that so hard? Who is it that makes us do things we don’t want to do?... 

The Internal Family Systems Model has a set of answers…that helps people begin to relate to themselves differently—to love themselves…The IFS Model does this by first getting you to focus inside. By ‘focus inside,’ I mean to turn your attention toward your thoughts, emotions, fantasies, images, and sensations—your inner experience. This is a big step for many of us because we’ve been conditioned…to keep our eyes fixed on the outside world, looking out there for danger as well as for satisfaction. That external focus makes sense because we have a lot to worry about and strive for in our environment. But there’s another reason many of us don’t enter our inner world—we’re afraid of what’s in there. We either know or suspect that deep within us lurk memories and feelings that could overwhelm us, making us feel horrible, impeding our ability to function, making us act impulsively, changing the way we relate to people, and making us vulnerable to being hurt again…” (Dr. Schwartz, pg. 1-2 - Kindle)

He continues, “Most people don’t see much value in getting closer to their despair, their brutal inner judge, their terror, their rage, and so on. There wouldn’t be any reason to get closer to these parts if they stayed the way they are. One of the big discoveries of IFS, however, is that as you get to know these parts and learn why they are the way they are… they change. It turns out that there aren’t any inherently bad parts, just good parts in bad roles–good parts carrying extreme beliefs or emotions from things that happened in the past…

Have you ever found yourself feeling sad but not knowing why? Then you wait for a time, and the answer comes? The IFS process is like that. When a client does this work, they focus on a thought or feeling, ask it a question, and wait patiently for an answer to come from inside rather than trying to guess or imagine what the part would say. This may seem strange, and you may think you won’t be able to do it, but our experience indicates that after people get over the initial strangeness, they are surprised at their ability to have meaningful inner dialogues.” (Dr. Schwartz, pg. 129-131 - Kindle)

Ready to jump down the rabbit hole?

With gratitude,

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